soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
