I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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