is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
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