i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
