I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Come on in and take your pants off
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