All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
