That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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