Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
