Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
