I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
