While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize