id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Bring me that man meat
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
