I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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