There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
