i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize