Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize