3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
