wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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