How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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