He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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