I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
