i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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