Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize