im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
