I can't breathe out the right side of my face
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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