First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Randomize