literally had 100 drinks last night.
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
