I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
