I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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