I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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