You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
