if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
