i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
