So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
