No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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