You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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