The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
