too bad you live with your parents still
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
