did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
