so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
A bitchslap is in order.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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