Umm I'm too high to move.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Randomize
