I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
