There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
it glows. i had to have it.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Randomize
