I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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