you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Randomize
