How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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