Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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