Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
