Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
