We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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