i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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