Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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