I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
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