I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
either way he was missing a nipple.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
50% drunk capacity currently
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
