You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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