Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
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