He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
