That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
