11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
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