Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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