3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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