well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
