Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
