i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize