Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize