About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
i think im in europe. pls send help
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
