So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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