I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Randomize
