I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
