the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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