am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
