I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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