apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
